A Blog About Childhood Experiences And Their Impact on Adult Behaviour

As a worker in the health sector, one trains to assess problems first through listening thoroughly to the health concerns raised by the patient or their relative. This might include a discussion about notable past issues experienced by the patient or indeed by other members of the family, together with a detailed appraisal of the current troubles for which they seek help. Next, an examination is performed with the aim of identifying physical changes that may assist in arriving at a group of possible diagnoses. Tests are performed, before the entire mishmash of information is finally formulated in to what is the most likely cause for the patient’s presentation. The Diagnosis.

Oftentimes it is said that ~90% of the information required to come to a ‘diagnosis’ as to the cause of the problem is actually obtained from the story and history of experiences. The rest of the stuff is little more than probabilistic filler to support the already suspected conclusion.

Now normally, I would use this methodology as a template for building an understanding for the behaviour patterns which have been problematic within my world before trying to construct some kind of (flawed, self-modified and largely inaccurate) explanation before promptly realising its all too hard to figure out and fix.

But I think for our discussion here (see Background For This Blog for an introduction to the issues at hand) I need to do this differently.

We need to start with the diagnosis, the behaviours and decisions that have resulted in the loss of this relationship with someone I truly treasured. We need to examine my functioning during previous relationships too. Why did they break down? Was the reason the same? Is the pattern consistent? And more importantly, from my perspective, are the same longstanding and pervasive elements responsible for repeated failures in love, interpersonal relationships and even difficulties in the professional arena?

So what is the diagnosis? Infidelity. I need to say the word. Out. Loud. Infidelity. Cheating. Lack of respect. The words are different, but the action is the same. The outcome is the same. Something from which no trusting relationship can be recovered I would suggest. I am also certain that you, kind reader, would have placed that high on your list of possibilities. If not number one. No surprises there peeps. Happens all the time. Probably the commonest cause of relationship breakdown, blah, blah, etc, etc. Its an appalling, horrific and distressing diagnosis to have been labelled with. And it’s very far from ok. I hate it. I don’t want it. And I don’t want to be anywhere near that word ever again. Not. Ever.

I need to understand how I got to this place in my life. That rabbit hole is waiting, but first I want to discuss the events in my life that, over recent years, seem to have caused a spiral in to this mess.

A final note. Do remember, this is ‘all about me’. The issues, the functioning, my percieved failures and maladaptive responses all discussed herein – they are all my own, raw and unedited, mind to page thoughts on what the hell I’m doing with my life. They are in no way meant to be a representation of the general populus (this will become increasingly obvious as we delve deeper I believe).

Thanks for stopping by.